Behold the wonders of Incredible India.

On your right, a dummy’s guide to the slurpy, commonplace ‘French’ kiss.

The left, though, is another proposition. The couple, carved 1,236 year ago, continue to be in a state of orgasmic pause. For more, visit Ellora caves.

Statutory Warning: The above illustrated pose was struck way before burgers, fries and colas were invented. Please do not try this at home.

Casino Royale – shahi uakhana
The good, the bad and the ugly – accha, bura aur badsoorat
Sex and the city – sharirik sambhog aur shehar
Philadelphia – sambalpur
Spider man – makkad-maanush
Spider Man II – makkad-maanush, Dwitiya
Saw – aara
Jaws – jabde
Schindler’s list – srivatsav ki soochi
Pulp Fiction – guda hua kalp katha
Dirty Rotten Scoundrels – gande sade hue neech
Sex, Lies and Videotapes – sambhog, jhoot, aur VHS
Chicago – Champaner     
Big Boss – Bade Maalik
Enter the dragon – ghus aaya sapakh sarp
The Last Emperor – mughal-e-azam
Dracula – jaani dushman
Scarface – dagdaar chehra
Fight Club – akhaada
American Pie – amreeki kachori
People Vs Larry Flint – log banaam Jag Mundra
Batman returns – Chamgaadad maanush ki vaapsi
Sweeny Todd – Khooni Nai
Anaconda – Nag Raja
Dr. No -Vaidhya Nahi
Scent of a woman – ek aurat ki khusboo
300 spartans – 300 mushtande
Sin city – Mumbai
Citizen Kane – Nagrik Khanna
The Godfather – Dharm Pita
Raging Bull- Krodith Saandh
Singing in the Rain – Item number
Some like it hot – kuch logon ko garmi acchi lage
Silence of the Lambs – Bhed-bakriyon ki chuppi
Last tango in Paris – Patiala me aakhri naach
Die Hard – Tadap tadap ke maro
Rocky – pathreela
Dead Poets society – Mare hue kaviyon ki mandli
Crouching tiger, Hidden Dragon – jhuka hua baagh, chupa hua sapakh sarp
The Quick and the dead – Jaldbaaz aur Murde
Watchmen – Ghurke

News channels called it India’s 9/11.

They said that those three days had changed Mumbai, forever.  Has Mumbai changed?

Nopes. Other than, ugly cement bunkers that have been hastily put up in a few train stations, and the fact that it’s not as easy to step into the Taj or the Trident for business or pleasure, nothing has changed.

Here’s a list of things that are exactly the way they used to be before ’26/11′:

• Victoria Terminus or Chhatrapati Shivaji Terminus, where terrorists shot people at will, continues to be the same cattle shed it was – open from all sides, overcrowded and sweaty. A few, bored policemen with lathis continue to guard the station where constables with single bore rifleshad takenon terrorists armed with AK-47s.
• Raj is back. After a period of deafening silence, the man who claimed ownership rights to the city is back spewing hate.
• ‘Thackeray Sr refuses to meet Advani’. Election fever is on.
• An IPL fever is being worked up.
• ‘Business Leaders’ are talking recession.
• BMC, the city’s civic governance body, is busy bulldozing slums.
• In an era of billion dollar stimulus bills, the Shiv Sena is all set to kick off its grand scheme of employment generation by allowing the sale of Vada Pavs on handcarts.
• The Congress’ counter scheme to sell Kanda Poha in pushcarts has been shelved, for now.

A couple stares at Hotel Trident even as the Indian Army continues battle terrorists inside. Dated: 27/11

Meaning:

1. Translates to ‘Are you coming from Alibaug?’ in Hindi. Alibaug is an idyllic, little hamlet about a 100 kms from Mumbai. The phrase is derogatory and is used to question the sanity or mental sharpness of the person in question.

Etymology:

1. A weekend getaway for the rich and famous of Bombay, Alibaug is dotted with plush bungalows (where the rich and famous shack up) and seedy little hotels (where the middle class and infamous shack up). Alibaug used to have a mental hospital and hence the association of bats in the belfry of those from this sleepy town.

Usage:

1. Are you saying that A R Rahman’s best song ever is Jai ho from Slumdog Millionaire? Alibaug se aaya hai kya?

Courtery:http://www.nypost.com/

This cartoon is kicking up a rumpus in the United States. Critics argue that the cartoon likens President Obama to a chimp, and have accused the cartoon of having racial overtones. The newspaper that published the cartoon, New York Post, does not think so. Question to the Post – who signed the only stimulus bill in their country in recent memory? Wheezing McCain? Potty Palin?

Having said that, why does the world consider it an insult to be called a monkey or a chimp? Indians worship the monkey god(Hanuman) yet they hate being called a monkey. Symonds and the Aussies hated it. Everybody knows that we are simians minus the tail, plus the complexes and clothes. 

Why do we love to be compared to lions, and shower the beast with epithets like ‘king of the jungle’, despite the fact that biologically they are not related to us at all? Is it because we want to be like them – mating upto forty times a day, even skipping breakfast, dinner and lunch,  in midst of a mating bout? 

Question –  Why is it so bad being called a monkey when any any of them can turn around and rightfully address us as ‘great grand potha’?

PS - Sociologists and ‘thinkers’ are requested to abstain from commenting on this post.

What would happen if such a course were to be started of in the cathedrals of Indian learning, like the IITs and the IIMs where the male-female ratio is not exactly one-on-one? Would the brightest and the best take matters into their own hands and with alacrity and enterprise, jack things up to the next level? Would Mr Muthalik and Co allow the communal viewing of smut?

The city of stinking sewers, claustrophobic slums, dilapidated buildings and Raj Thackeray as seen from the sea on a lazy winter dawn.

Courtesy: UTV Motion Pictures

UTV Motion Pictures, the makers of Dev D, have released an x-rated version of one of the more popular songs from the flick, Emosional Atyachar. Click on the video only if you have travelled in the ‘first class’ compartment of a Virar Fast. The lyrics of the song are comparable to the language you hear there. A few questions. Is this a perversion of our bharatiya culture (Mr Muthalik do you youtube)? Are the lyrics gratuitous? Or is it kitsch art for kitsch art’s sake? Or just plain ol’ bawdy fun? 

Either ways: long live the net! Viva Youtube! (Or is it gootube in this case?)